Pigskin and Hogwash

Oh that joker! Ha, ha, ha. He got me, he got me good. Oh, man, that was so funny.

I tell you, when I saw that Randy Moss was in the starting lineup against the Giants and heard that he would make a more legitimate contribution despite his worse than mild hamstring injury, I fell for it. Hook in mouth and reel me in, boys, you got me. I mean, it’s not like I benched some stud for him, it was just Rod Smith, I mean, no big deal. How’d Rod do anyway? Oh, look, 208 yards and a touchdown. That’s rich. Oh, you boys got me.

There are not words for how funny that is!

Unless the words are damn or $#@%$*!, or something in that vein! I mean, come on, two weeks in a row?

And yes, I admit it, I fell for it both times. I guess I should only be mad at them for the first one--you know, Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Forget that, though, the lies were advancing, Tice claimed he would be legitimate against the Giants, so I say, Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, drown in your own self-loathing!

Once I got over all that fake laughing like the guys who’ve just been sacked on Monday Night, I got a little peeved. I mean, practical jokes are funny and all that, but there are things at stake, like fake playoff berths and monetary rewards. And you sacrificed it all for your silly pride and a highly suspect consecutive games streak!? I’m ashamed to be your imaginary coach and general manager.

But the good Moss giveth and the good Moss taketh away. Because I am not alone in the category of they who have done been trapped by all your lies, I got a win and a loss out of the whole deal--different leagues, of course. Both are as counterfeit as your consecutive games streak.

I might just bench you, Mr. Moss, just to teach you a lesson! What do you think of that?

Not that I’m really angry or anything like that, but as the imaginary head coach of a fake team in a pretend league, I feel it is my duty to show even a phony first round pick that they shall not receive fictional preferential treatment. The nonexistent moment when I get an insubstantial apology, his illusory benching will end. And not a counterfeit moment sooner. This is the Tom Coughlin approach to fantasy sports, hard line, baby.

Okay, so I am letting the fantasy part of fantasy sports take over a little too much. Two weekends ago I gave a halftime speech that scared the paint off my walls. This week I plan on having one whole team share tequila from a Dixie cup before we take on the top team in the league. Symbolically, of course, otherwise, I’d ruin my keyboard.

I mean, it’s not like they could actually play drunk.

But there’s nothing saying I can’t.

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Okay, so who has burnt you the most? Did Moss' practical joker ways help or hurt? And what is the best proff that you've been taking fantasy football a little too seriously? 'Fess it up.

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[1] by darren3 on 11/05/2004 09:23 pm

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A sign I take fantasy football to the extreme is I stopped talking to a best friend for 2 weeks after he squelched on a trade.