Euthanize Me!
December 16, 2004
Yikes. I have an ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly team. As in not pretty. I hate to even go look at it.
This team is my own personal reminder of the essentially flawed nature of humankind. The symbol of the ultimate limitation, our mortality. I'd like to lock it inside a small toolbox inside a medium-sized safe inside a very large crevice at the bottom of a gigantic ocean. I'd like to send Travis Henry, 2nd round pick, along to keep it company.
Instead, every time I go to the very large commercial website that hosts a few of my other teams, there it is, demanding to be clicked on, demanding to get a little attention. And because it's in one of them there high-falutin pay leagues, it also appears at the very top of the list of my teams.
My own personal albatross.
I don't want to click on it, I don't want to remind myself that I need to decide whether I should be starting Richie Anderson or Najeh Davenport alongside Amos Zereoue. (Don't ask...please...it just happened, I swear, one week I was starting Travis Henry and Ty Wheatley, the next...well.)
But I am a dutiful owner: it would not be fair of me to give up on this team and potentially alter the fate of other teams by granting some playoff hopeful an easy win. Of course, since I am choosing between Richie and Najeh, I am in fact giving every team an easy win. Still, it's a pride thing. I can't bitch and moan about the lame-asses who gave up in my other leagues if I'm the lame-ass who gave up in that one.
I tried to come up with ways of making this team survivable. I thought maybe I could rename it something that would capture it's essence like The Ugly Step-Child or My Other Team's a BMW. The Death of Hope would be more accurate but a little too painful. So I went with the indirect King Lear but that turned out to be just a little too obscure for the rest of the league who thought I meant that my team was royalty instead of royally screwed. Now I just call it Woefully Inadequate.
The part I don't get is why this team is the one that I am always thinking about and not the ones that actually have a lot of reasons to be hopeful. I got contenders where I don't even remember who the starting wideouts are but I can remember every single loser that graced the scoreboard for the Woefully Inadequate.
I remember that I took Travis Henry with the third pick of the second round and had to grab Michael Bennett with the fourteenth pick in the third because running backs were almost gone. I can remember that Jeff Garcia, Kerry Collins, Wrong Manning have all started for this group since week three when after week two I dropped a guy named Drew Brees who was off to a bad start.
I'd rather tell you about another team where I picked Billy Volek as soon as McNair started hurting and he's carrying me to the top of the field right now but the little voice in my brain keeps reminding me that I declined a trade offer in week two where I would give Michael Bennett and Tyrone Wheatley for Willis McGahee. (And in another league, I actually went and got McGahee!!)
The three reasons this team stinks: 1) Randy Moss not being Randy Moss, 2) Travis Henry not liking endzones, and 3) Jeff Garcia not being a real QB. Three things and theyhave the worst record in an entire league. Three little mistakes. That's all it takes to ruin a team for an entire season.
Their final record: 1-13. The worst showing I have ever had. In my defense, there was another team in the league that scored even fewer total points than me even though they won three games. And also my single victory was against the number one team in the league in points and record. (Week 12- Najeh Davenport gets 178 yards and a TD, Brandon Stokley catches 3 TD's from Good Manning.)
The good news is they played their last game last week and they are officially over. Now I should be able to finally turn my attention to a couple of teams that actually make me look like I know what I am doing. (I even have an odds-on favorite.)
But right now, all I can think about is whether or not I should take LaDainian Tomlinson with the first overall pick.
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What's the worst team you have this year? And why are they so bad? And don't go all braggadocious on me, I don't want to hear about no winners. Losers Central, baby, Let's Bitch!
Fantasy Football 
Im pretty sure we could all BEAT that!
Im pretty sure we could all BEAT that!
Im pretty sure we could all BEAT that!
Im pretty sure we could all BEAT that!