Where have all the good owners gone?
October 25, 2005
This article is a heck of a lot easier to write when I lose. After all, it is so very, very easy to go on a tirade when some supposedly great QB starts handing out interceptions so bad he wouldn’t even be on his own fantasy team. Then I can just rant and rant. But fact is, my teams are doing awfully well this year.
Obviously, I have to take a modicum of credit; they are my teams after all. But in fantasy football, let’s face it, you have to get kind of lucky. All those mid-round picks have to pan out to cover for the starter you invariably lose to injury. Or you have to be lucky enough to get one of those first two picks in the draft to have an absolute guaran-damn-tee at running back.
I have one team that is the perfect example of me getting lucky. It actually starts out like the perfect complaint of misfortune—I drafted Javon Walker and Andre Johnson as my first two WR’s in the third and fifth rounds respectively. They haven’t exactly panned out as planned. Fortunately both of them have agreed to hang out in the locker room and cheer on the guys who are actually playing.
Even more fortunately, I also drafted Plaxico Burress and Santana Moss as my third and fourth wr’s. They have not only made up for Walker and Johnson, they’ve actually been one of the absolute strengths of my team. On that same group, I drafted Trent Green to start and grabbed Eli Manning as a sleeper-slash-backup. Trent’s not even on my roster anymore. And finally, I grabbed the Colts defense in the very late rounds figuring they’d give me some interceptions and sacks. They have twice already been the single highest scoring position on my team.
So, I’m not trying to break my arm patting myself on the back. And it’s no fun to write an article about how savvy it was of me to pick up Willie Parker before everyone else knew his name. So I was bitching about how easy the leagues I am in this year are to a coworker and that I didn't know what the heck I should write about. Then, light dawned on marble head and I realized, I'd bitch about them. After all, most of them don't even know my real name, so what harm could there be?
Besides, some of them seem really, really dumb. Hopefully none of them read this column. Or if they do, hopefully they are really, really dumb and won’t be able to figure out I am talking about them.
Normally, I play in one league that I have been in for years and then join two or three other leagues where I am either a complete stranger or maybe know one owner. You know, the league that your friend’s boss’ brother-in-law is in that needs another player. It’s good to have leagues full of strangers. Although pulling off a trade in those leagues is slightly less likely to happen than the Texans winning a game, at least you don’t have to worry about offending anyone when you write about them. Or, if you do offend them, at least you don’t have to worry about them knowing where you live.
Take what happened to me this morning. First thing after I got some coffee in me, I go to the league page just to check and see the new standings. And, lo and behold, the top post on the message board goes like this: “man alive i can’t believe LT only got 7 yards the chump cost me the game”. That’s his punctuation, not mine.
This is so ridiculous I couldn’t believe it. Rather, I wouldn’t have believed it, would have thought it was a joke, if it wasn’t for the fact that this guy has been plaguing the message board with ridiculous taunts all year as he sits atop his conference.
Now I don't know the exact etiquette, but I’m pretty sure you don’t get to bitch about LaDainian Tomlinson losing a game for you. Not only did he have touchdowns in 18 straight games, just a week ago he ran for a touchdown and he caught one. And didn’t he do something else? Oh right now I remember, he threw for one. Which also happened to be one more than your quarterback threw for that week. If he hadn’t been so good, maybe you would’ve actually paid attention to the fact that your tight ends are useless. Bitching about LT is like complaining that your mother won't do your laundry now that you're 30.
And the rest of his team was so bad he lost to a guy whose given up entirely.
And how can it only be week 7 and guys are mailing it in already? Better yet, how can it be week 7 and the commissioner is mailing it in? The commissioner?! My god, man, if you set up a league, invite people, and talk it up about how great the smack-talk’s gonna be, you are obligated to set your roster every week with players not on a bye! The freaking commissioner in one league is playing my biggest rival in my four man division and he’s got Corey Dillon and Stephen Davis as his starting running backs. Yeah, thanks for the help there, way to maintain the competitive integrity of the league, commish. I sent him a sitemail and he said he was too busy trying to help Bud Selig keep the Astrodome’s roof open for tonight’s game.
Listen, I understand it’s hard to stay excited when your team is 1-5 (now 1-6), but how hard is it to just go ahead and plug in your backups? We’re talking about five minutes tops. At least I don’t have to worry about him reading this article and being mad since that would take way too much commitment.
There's a guy in that same league who hasn't won a game yet and yet he at least tries. Maybe too hard. This guy, seven weeks into the season, has made 4,130 roster transactions. That may be a slight exaggeration. Normally, I like to take a look at who has been dropped every week and see if there are any potential sleepers I might take a flyer on. But this guy has made trolling the wire into a full-fledged research project. I have to pack a lunch. I am beginning to think he knows that some of us take a gander at the castoffs and he's making sure we will have no idea who just became available.
Here’s an actual sequence of transactions from this guy, all wide receivers:
Drop: Samie Parker to waivers
Add: Amani Toomer free agent
Drop: Amani Toomer to waivers
Add: Chris Henry free agent
Drop Chris Henry to waivers
Add: T.J. Houshmandzadeh free agent
Drop: T.J. Houshmandzadeh to waivers
Add: Antonio Chatman free agent
Drop: Antonio Chatman to waivers
Add: (who didn’t see this coming?) Amani Toomer from waivers
Did I mention that all happened in the same week? Because if I did, I understated it—it all happened in the same hour. Within one hour. Everything except for getting Amani back when he had to wait until the next day for his waiver claim to go through! For the guy he got as a free agent in the first place! This makes the Vikes look like a well-oiled management machine. And this was before Amani started catching Eli's eye. Or, more importantly, Eli's touchdown passes.
But if it wasn't for these guys, I wouldn't be winning, so I guess I can only complain for so long. Really, I ought to be thankful. But I'm not, they're driving me crazy.
After all, these are the same guys who on draft night kept talking about how they were going to "open up a can of whoop-ass" on us all. Apparently, the whoop-ass cans come with childproof caps.
Note: One word of seriousness, in an article complaining about bad owners, it feels remiss to not tip a hat to one of the great owners in sports history, Wellington Mara. Giants fan or not, it's hard to imagine the NFL without him.
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So, who's driving you crazy in your leagues? If there's one thing I like better than bitching about my fellow owners, it's knowing they are not as bad as your fellowowners.
Fantasy Football 
hehe, already did.
I am also in a league where the commish pulled a fast one. They have the power to make roster adjustments after games have started, like if someone can contact the commish before (leave a message, whatever) before the roster deadline because they can't make it to a computer, then the commish can go in after and make the change.
Well, I was playing this commish and he had picked up Drew Brees but was still starting Delhomme on a bye. All sunday long it says Delhomme on the live scoring, then suddenly on Monday it has Brees in the game and he activates Willie Parker as well and benches Ahman Green. I still won but there's nothing worse than a shady commissioner. There's even a page that details when it happened and it says he did the activating at 1:00 am on Monday.
You didn't call him out on it?????
Heck yeah I did. Abso-freakin-lutely! I was furious.
This is why I just play in public leagues or else FIC/friend leagues.
This is why I just play in public leagues or else FIC/friend leagues.
I'm assuming it wasn't a money league? Because mine is!
This is why I just play in public leagues or else FIC/friend leagues.
I'm assuming it wasn't a money league? Because mine is!
Yeah mine wasn't, it was just some draft. This is why I don't do money with strangers for leagues, unless it was FIC. Other than that, I don't bother.
Needless to say, it really didn't matter. When you ask for the best, you're going to get the best. I can't help that.....
"I am one of the more knowledgable fantasy managers in the world"!
It was the same league.