Out on a Limb
Fantasy Football Predictions

A New Dred Pirate Roberts???

The predictions made here each week do not represent the views of everyone on FIC and should not be used for gambling purposes.

Some try blind guesses by having their pets pick the games each week based on which treat they decide to choose. Others make themselves out to have bizarre psychic nicknames. Still more throw darts at a board and pick whoever it lands on. And, yes... there are a few actual experts, but I'm not one of them. Kick off every weekend with "The Mutt" as he tests his skills all season long against a few of our correspondents in the race for the FIC Cup.

Official FIC Cup Standings (Last Week in Parentheses)

Tim Noakes 97-87-8 (7-8-1)
Jeff Brown 93-91-8 (8-7-1)
Chris Wang 87-81-8 (11-4-1)
The Mutt 87-97-8 (8-7-1)
Jay Schell 74-94-8 (5-10-1)
Zach McCann 68-89-7 (7-8-1) * Missed Weeks Nine and Ten

A New Dred Pirate Roberts???

In-con-ceivable! Nobody expected him to rise to power this quickly, but the NFL's most versatile and dynamic Man in Black will take the Dirty Birds to the Big Sombrero screaming "Mutiny!" in the race for the NFC South title when the Falcons play the Bucs in Raymond James Stadium on Sunday.

Game of the Week: Atlanta at Tampa Bay (-4)
After being heavily favored to win the division in the preseason, the Bucs have been sharp all season, annihilating teams with their defense while getting the job done offensively. Most people expected that the Saints, if anyone, might be the only roadblock between the Bucs and the division title. Those same Saints have done an admirable job of playing spoiler, beating Tampa both times they've played this season. However, while those two heavyweights duked it out, the Falcons lay in wait, ready to snatch the division. Should the Bucs fail to hold serve at home against the hard-charging Falcons, they'll have lost the homefield advantage throughout the playoffs that they'd held two weeks ago, and will be forced to play the season out expecting no more than a wildcard berth.

The Falcons, however, have nothing to lose. A win here would put them in the driver's seat for the NFC South title, with a half-game lead over the Bucs, a one-and-a-half game lead (and a sweep of the season series) over the Saints, and a soft late-season schedule in their favor. Despite some early-season growing pains, QB Michael Vick has taken this team from an also-ran to a serious Super Bowl threat, posting wins in six of their last seven games; the only blemish was a tie at last year's AFC runner-up, Pittsburgh. During the course of the streak, the Falcons are averaging an astounding 30.8 points per game, up from 18.2 last season, thanks largely in part to the best offensive weapon in the game right now. Vick will do whatever it takes to win in this game, and he's not the same quarterback that led a struggling 1-2 Falcons team onto the field against the Bucs at home in just his fourth NFL start, a 20-6 Bucs win.

After losing at the Saints last week, the Bucs will realize the importance of this one, and they'll be out to pound Vick into the turf everytime he runs or drops back to pass. If Vick can withstand the beating, though, the Bucs agression will hurt them more than it will help them in this one. Vick was ineffective against the Bucs in October before getting injured in the third quarter. The key stat, however, is that he ran only once. As quick and smart as the Tampa Bay defense is, they tend to overpursue, a trait which Vick loves to exploit. He's shed the idea of being a pocket passer for the time-being, and is using everything at his disposal to shred defenses. The Birds won't score the 30+ points they've been averaging lately, but they won't have to against a Bucs offense that struggles to put more than 20 up against an average defense. Falcons 24, Bucs 20

Lock of the Week: St. Louis at Kansas City (-3.5)
Ahhhhhh the quarterback carousel. The Lambs will keep spinning the barrell and eventually pull the trigger with their only healthy field general this week, Jamie Martin. Kurt Warner has failed to get the job done in each of his six starts this season, while Martin couldn't get much going in his own start. Until Marc Bulger returns to action, this team might want to get used to staying off the score sheet. Oh.... the Chiefs???? The way that the Rams offensive line's holding up, they just might be in line for some defensive records, for once; but the Mutt expects that Priest Holmes will lead the way to an easy victory as the Chiefs claim superiority in his home Show-Me State. Chiefs 37, Rams 13

Upset Special: Cleveland (+3) at Jacksonville
With their loss to the offensively challenged Panthers last week, the Browns may have eliminated any real chance that they had at the playoffs. This weekend, they'll realize that they're on life support and should be able to handle an inconsistent Jaguars squad. Browns 24, Jaguars 20

And now, a few things to think about while Indigo Montoya chases down the six-fingered man.....

R.D.C.I. - Giants 202, Dayne Cheeseburger Consumption 188
Casting
Warren Sapp plays a somewhat smaller version of Andre the Giant's Fezzik
Jon Gruden could play Vezzini, the bizarre, yet thoughtful leader of the bandits
And, of course.... Antonio Alfonseca of the Cubs would be the perfect six-fingered man

Slammin' through the rest (Sorry... rough week)

Buffalo at New England (-4) - The Bills... just... won't.... go away!!!!! That said, Bledsoe's return to Foxboro should be as treacherous as the Fire Swamp. Patriots 31, Bills 21

Cincinnati at Carolina (-3) - Rodney Peete and Jon Kitna will each exclaim that they are not really right-handed at some point in this game, which should probably explain how pitiful the matchup is. The Bungles will move one step closer to clinching the #1 pick in next year's draft.... not like they'd know what to do with it anyway. Panthers 23, Bungles 13

Houston at Pittsburgh (-13.5) - Tommy Maddox will be back in the huddle this weekend, which should spell doom for the Cinderella Texans. The Steelers will continue to coast as they win the AFC North by default. Steelers 27, Texans 10

Indianapolis at Tennessee (-2.5) - The Titans went from mostly dead to completely alive thanks to the heroics of Air McNair in the Meadowlands last weekend. A sweep of the season series would put them in the driver's seat for the AFC South. While Indy's hot, The Mutt still sticks by his AFC Super Bowl pick. Titans 24, Colts 20

New York Giants at Washington (-2.5) - Anyone who watches this game must have lost a battle with Wesley that was fought "to the pain." The Giants will further eliminate themselves from the NFC East race with a loss in the capital this weekend, matching a feat that the Redskins accomplished last weekend in Dallas. Redskins 24, Giants 13

San Francisco (-4.5) at Dallas - What's this? A two-game winning streak for the Cowgirls??? The last time The Mutt remembers these two teams playing here, Terrell Owens did a little dance on the star at midfield. Expect a few more of those this time. 49ers 31, Cowboys 17

Philadelphia (-3) at Seattle - Matt Hasselbeck has finally found a way to lead his team onto the field. Now... if they could only trot a defense out there from time to time. Despite the handicap of A.J. Feeley, the Eagles should be able to pull this one out as (the other) Duce breaks loose a few times against the worst run defense in the league. Eagles 24, Seahawks 17

New Orleans (-2.5) at Baltimore - The Ravens will look like nothing more than R.O.U.S.'s (Rodents Of Unusual Size for those who haven't seen the movie) to the Saints after their battle with the Bucs last week, but they're capable of making a lot of noise. When all's said and done, the Saints should inch closer to locking up a wildcard berth, though. Saints 27, Ravens 24

Detroit at Arizona (-1) - The Mutt would rather climb the Cliffs of Insanity than watch this one. The Lions gave the Champs a game last week, while the Cardinals looked like Chumps in Kansas City. Expect more of the same this weekend as the Cards look like team turmoil. Lions 23, Cardinals 6

Denver (-1.5) at New York Jets - The loser is all but done here. The Broncos amazing run defense took a hit last week when L.T. stepped all over them. Curtis Martin's finally starting to look like he's back. After giving the Silver and Black a game last Monday night, the Jets look like a much hungrier team heading into this one. J-E-T-S 23, Broncos 20

Minnesota at Green Bay (-9.5) - The Vikes have looked like they might be on the verge of something good for next season..... however, that's next season. Brett Favre and the Pack don't lose in Lambeau in December, but it'll be close. Packers 30, Vikings 24

Raiders (-2) at Chargers - "Have fun storming the castle, boys." All kidding aside, does anyone else think it's time to maybe.... just maybe give the Chargers enough respect to be home favorites against a team that they beat on the road earlier this year???????? L.T. will shred a porous Raiders run defense, just as he did earlier this year in Oakland, and the Chargers weak secondary will eventually come up with a key stop. Martyball can officially start getting ready for the playoffs after this one. Bolts 23, Raiders 20 O.T.

Chicago at Miami (-9) - The Mammals need this one badly, as the Pats have caught them and the Jets and Bills are breathing down their necks. Da Bears apparently earned themselves a couple of Monday Night games after last year's 13-3 finish. Too bad they can't live up to the hype. Dolphins 27, Bears 17

In a bizarre twist of fate, The Mutt actually came through with his Lock last week (please hold your applause until the end).

On the Year
Lock of the Week: 3-7-2
Upset Special: 5-8
Game of the Week: 6-7

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