Out on a Limb
Fantasy Football Predictions

Resolutions

As we say goodbye to yet another year, so many people always take the time to make a list of the things they'd like to change about themselves or their lives. This is the time of year when a lot of people decide that it's time to quit smoking (I might try that this year?), look for a new job, go on a diet, go back to school.... well, you get the gist. However, it's also the time when a few teams in the NFL will have one more chance to make a new beginning for themselves. Let's look at a few of the resolutions that some teams should be making as the clock strikes midnight for the first time in 2005 on Saturday morning, taking a special look at those teams that still could (and in some cases, are already in) make the playoffs.

Minnesota Vikings & Seattle Seahawks - It's time to clear out their esophaguses permanently and stop choking every time either of them has an opportunity to move to the next level. Both teams have the talent (primarily offensively, but they have enough defensively) to win in the playoffs, but neither of them seems to even have the heart to take the step into the playoffs.

St. Louis Rams - It's time to say goodbye to Marshall Faulk, and, more importantly, Mike Martz. Martz finally decided to use semi-conservative play-calling against the Eagles' practice squad on Monday night. If that game showed us anything, it showed us that Steven Jackson isn't the future in St. Louis... he's the present. Martz's flaky attitude has carried over to his entire team in St. Louis, though, and his latest spat with injured OG Kyle Turley, shows just how well he can handle his players. Combine this with the fact that Martz admitted in his post-game press conference two weeks ago that he had no clue Jackson didn't get on the field for a single play against Arizona and countless other idiotic miscues (twice admitting that he didn't know the score including the preseason), and it's a wonder that Martz has kept his job this long.

New Orleans Saints - It's time for Aaron Brooks to see a shrink who will help him stay focused enough not to throw the ball away (either forwards or backwards) at the most inopportune times. For the most part, the Saints have started to look like a quality football team lately, though.

Carolina Panthers - It may be time to buy your own travelling hospital to take with the team.

Philadelphia Eagles - Although the practice squad wasn't really expected to beat anyone, they didn't even look like they were trying on Monday night. Sadly, the Lambs only won by 13 points.

Indianapolis Colts - Find some way to steal the Ravens' defense for the playoffs, since Baltimore certainly won't be playing past this week.

Jacksonville Jaguars - Gain another year of experience for their emerging QB and WR.

Baltimore Ravens - Enlist either the Colts' or Chiefs' to show them how to move the ball offensively.

New York Jets - Find some reporters to boost Chad Pennington's ego so that he doesn't have to get so self-conscious with the media.

New Engalnd Patriots - Find a way to beat the Dolphins' defense, because that's the only team that seems to give them much trouble.

Pittsburgh Steelers - Prepare for the disappointment of losing in the AFC title game, because this team has overachieved, and will go down to either the Colts or Pats.

San Diego Chargers - Hire a real public relations staff, because it's disgusting that most people couldn't name five players on a team that's nearly as good as they are. Also, they can start scouting for a top ten pick, because Eli and the Giants got them one.

Denver Broncos - Fire Mike Shanahan so that he can go coach the Seahawks... please?!?!?!

With so many games with playoff implications, we can't pick just one, so we'll go with a couple of statements on each of the big ones this week.

Lock of the Week: New York Jets at St. Louis

Yeah, I know. New England plays San Francisco in the other game that will see the best division in football complete their absolute pummelling of the worst division in the league, and that's certainly more of a lock. Hey, you've got to take a little bit of a chance, though. The Lambs finally looked good against Philly's third-stringers last week, and that's primarily because Mike Martz remembered how to run the ball (or, to be more accurate, his offensive coordinator showed him that it was legal to hand the ball off). For two reasons, that strategy won't work against the Jets this weekend.

First off, the Jets boast one of the top run defenses in the league and they'll be playing their starters. This would make Ground Martz extremely unlikely to succeed if the Lambs went back to the ground game as they did on Monday night. However, Martz will take this as yet another opportunity to throw the ball fifty times against the J-E-T-S, meaning Bulger will turn the ball over at least three times. More importantly, Steven Jackson will be dealing with a partially torn MCL (though he will play), and old man Marshall will have to carry much of the load. Though Faulk was successful against a team that's average at stopping the run with their starters in, his performance over the past month has shown that he's got little left in the tank.

Chad Pennington will run the Jets offense methodically and keep the ball away from the more typical "Greatest Show on Turf" (though they haven't really been for about two years now) offense that the Lambs run, leaving the Lambs with few opportunities. The Jets will control the clock, the turnover ratio, and the game from start to finish as they take home the #5 seed in the AFC playoffs. J-E-T-S 30, Lambs 10

Washington over Minnesota

The Vikes will, indeed, make the playoffs with the Lambs loss, but that still doesn't mean they won't find time to choke. With yet another opportunity to win their way into the playoffs (and a choke bowl rematch with the Seahawks), Minnesota's highly touted offense will be helpless against the second-ranked defense in the league. Though Fred Smoot probably won't start for the 'Skins, they'll still find ways to blanket Randy Moss and Nate Burleson, while the Vikes will have trouble establishing any type of running game against the 'Skins brutal front seven. Patrick Ramsey won't do much offensively for Washington, but he and Clinton Portis will do just enough against the underachieving Minnesota defense to pull off the upset at home. Redskins 20, Vikings 17

Pittsburgh at Buffalo - For the first time since Week Three, Ben Roethlisberger probably won't start. For the first time since Week Two, the Steelers won't win. There's simply too much at stake for the Bills in tradition-rich Rich Stadium to fall short against the bunch of backups that the Steelers will be throwing at them. The Bills of the early '90's gave Bills fans plenty of reason to cheer, and this 2004 version will get to find out what a playoff atmosphere can feel like in Buffalo on Sunday. Bills 27, Steelers 17

Indianapolis at Denver - It's time for everyone who thinks Peyton and the Colts can't win a bigtime game in cold weather to step up, because this will be the first of three of those games that they win in January. Manning will likely start the track meet off in Denver against the Broncos overrated secondary, and the Broncos strong rushing attack will run into a ball-hawking defense that will cause at least two fumbles. This game means nothing to the Colts, while the Broncos are in with a win, but they simply won't be able to get it done against a much more talented football team. Colts 34, Broncos 17

New Orleans at Carolina - The Saints have probably saved coach Jim Haslett's job with their play over the past month, but all good things must come to an end. Looking over the great stories with some of the AFC clubs (Drew Brees' resurgence, Ben Roethlisberger's ascension, Jerome Bettis' return to glory, Peyton's run at the record book), the best story in the NFL this season has probably been the amazing Carolina Penthers. After losing what seems like their entire team in the first four weeks of the season, they were an absolute mess that started out 1-7. However, this cast of misfits doesn't want to realize that they're simply not supposed to even dream of what they've done over the past eight weeks, as they've gone 6-1 to set themselves up in a probable (unless the Rams win, the Vikings lose, and the Seahawks win) winner-take-all game for the playoffs with the Saints. Don't expect them to miss out on this chance at home.

Jake Delhomme will tear apart a Saints defense that's looked solid the past few weeks, but will look more like they did earlier in the year this week. Nick Goings will run for 100+ for the Panthers yet again. Aaron Brooks will throw a key interception and have a fumble as the Saints will once again have to say "Wait 'Til Next Year". Panthers 27, Saints 13

Jacksonville at Oakland - By the time this game starts, it won't mean much, and it'll show. The Jags have shown extreme resilience for most of the season, but absolutely failed to show up last week at home against the Texans. With their playoff hopes dashed, look for them to lay another egg in Oaktown, as the Raiders offense will simply put up too many points for them to keep up. Raiders 31, Jags 20

Miami at Baltimore - With their playoff hopes all but dead, the Ravens will finally make a stand at home against the Mammals. Ray Lewis will wreak havoc on third-string QB Sage Rosenfels, while Jamal Lewis will keep the Dolphins pass rush honest. Unfortunately for the Ravens, it will be too little, too late. Ravens 20, Mammals 16

Atlanta at Seattle - Atlanta claims they're going to be playing this game to win, but who knows just how long that will last. Mike Vick will start, and he'll give the Seahawks god-awful excuse for a defense fits early-on, but he'll be out by the second quarter. With the division locked up after the Rams loss earlier in the day, Seattle will probably turn to Trent Dilfer to give Matt Hasselbeck another week to rest up for their one-and-done playoff run. Dilfer won't exactly star in this one, but he'll get just enough done to help the Seahawks avoid truly backing into the playoffs as an 8-8 division champ. They'll win and finish above .500. Seagulls 24, Falcons 20

Cincinnati at Philadelphia - I think the Eagles' backups truly showed us what they were made of on Monday. Bungles 56, Eagles 3

Green Bay at Chicago - Brett Favre will keep his streak alive, and he claims he wants to play the whole game, meaningless or not. The Bears can't hang with them either way, and the Pack attack will get ready to host the Panthers in a bloodbath. Packers 24, Bears 10

Detroit at Tennessee - The Broncos finally found a way to shut down Billy Volek last week, but they also put some points on the board. The Lions have had trouble doing that all year, and won't be able to keep up with the high-powered Titans passing offense. Titans 37, Lions 20

Cleveland at Houston - The Browns will lock up the #2 pick with yet another horrific showing in a battle of the two most recent expansion teams. David Carr and Andre Johnson will hook up for two touchdowns, and Domanick Davis will run all over the pitiful Brownies. Texans 34, Browns 6

San Francisco at New England - Even if this game means absolutely nothing to the Pats, they couldn't find a way to let the Niners stay within two touchdowns of them. Patriots 30, Niners 7

Tampa Bay at Arizona - Not surprisingly, Dennis Green's Cardinals fell short of the playoffs in his first season, but they have looked game (as opposed to those other three teams in the NFC West) most of the time. Expect them to close out the year on a high note and take it to Gruden's Bucs at home. Cardinals 27, Bucs 10

Kansas City at San Diego - The Bolts have had an amazing season, and finally get to play a meaningless game. Expect Phillip Rivers to get his first chance to go under center this season in this game, and don't expect the results to be too pretty. LT will most likely get a lot of rest this week also, and Dick Vermiel's Chiefs have a chance to rebound from a horrific start to finish at the .500 mark. There will be tears on the sideline on this one, as Vermiel will show yet again just how proud he is of his players. Chiefs 34, Bolts 27

Dallas at New York Giants - The Eli Manning era will officially begin this weekend, as this will be both the last time that Kurt Warner is his backup and the first time that he actually wins a game. Eli will find a few holes in the Cowgirls secondary and throw for 250 and two scores as the Cowgirls flounder once again offensively. Tiki Barber will finish his best season by scoring late to close the game out. G-Men 24, Cowgirls 14

The Numbers
On the Year: 143-85 (10-6)
Game of the Week: 7-8 (0-1)
Lock of the Week: 12-3 (1-0)
Upset Special: 6-9 (0-1)

---