Dumb And Dumber

You know...I did alot of thinking this week about what topic I should cover in this week's installment of MATW. With the Michael Jackson fiasco finally behind me, I thought I'd take this week's column to touch on several issues that I've essentially ignored over the last, well, month. So, as they say...on with the show...

The Piazza/Mota Incident
This was easily, at least in my mind, the most ridiculous sporting moment of the week. I have never been a great fan of Piazza, but I definitely recognize the fact that Piazza is the best offensive catcher in the game today -- maybe the best ever, but you've a Cincy guy here, so you know I'll stick with Johnny Bench. Then you have Moto, or Guillermo as I like to call him. This guy is a situational specialist for the Dodgers -- definitely someone a majority of sports fans had no idea even existed. This nobody has the nerve to throw at Piazza, for the second time. Now it's a widely established fact that Piazza is one of the most laid back players in all of baseball (i.e. the way he handled the Clemens situation), but as any of you who saw the footage can attest -- Piazza looked as if he was on the verge of turning green and ripping his shirt off post-plunking. I, for one, would have loved to see Piazza take off after Moto with the bat in hand. The lack of respect present in a large majority of major leaguers today is absolutely ridiculous. It makes me feel like slapping a midget. I can't wait until these two squads meet again, and I pray that there is a "real man" on the mound for the Mets this time -- someone that will actually send a strong message to the opposing team. I'd love to be that guy. Put me on the mound and I guarantee that Shawn Green is going down. Tit for tat, this for that...you plunk my star, then rest assured I'm nailing yours. It is the way baseball has always been, and it is the way that it should remain. Thankfully, there are still some pitchers that have the balls to actually put a superstar on his back -- yes Shawn Estes, you clearly must have been castrated some years ago. Oh, how I wish that Pedro, or The Unit, or Schilling pitched for the Mets...Shawn Green would likely sit out any contest with the Mets this year, if that was the case. It's too bad that Mota himself has virtually no shot at taking an AB against the Mets. Punk...

Ephedrine
I joke about drugs alot, probably more than I should. I was a college student not so long ago, so drugs are funny to me. I've been there and done that, so to speak (gunnerz 4 life...whoohoo)...and alot of the references that I make towards elicit addictions are jokes about me, and all those wonderful college days that I, frankly, can't even remember anymore. All of that said, though, some things just aren't funny. The death of a promising young pitcher in the Orioles organization, Steve Bechler, is not something that should be taken lightly. As a large man, I know the temptation that exists in the form of "get slim quick" products -- but I'm also intelligent enough to know that nothing can be that easy. It was fairly obvious to me that in order for any "drug" to cause weight loss, it would have to significantly increase metabolic rate...which, in turn, would case a significant increase in heart rate. A fat man with a speeding heart is a prescription for disaster, so I stayed away, but I do understand the appeal. But then you have the case of Bechler...a professional athlete. It's true that he is a pitcher, and pitchers are notoriously unathletic, but the guy was at least in better than average shape. He just wanted to drop a few pounds during spring training, so he popped some pills. Unfortunately, that choice cost him his life. Incidentally, the drug was also linked to the death of Korey Stringer, the offensive lineman from Minnesota. Clearly, there is a problem here. That said, however, the climate of sports today is such that I doubt the use of supplements containing ephedra will ever stop, unless it is strictly regulated within MLB. Players will do almost anything, including risking their own life, to get ahead. Like it or not, money talks, bull (you know the rest) walks. If a player thinks that anything will help him up his numbers, he's going to do it. Better numbers equals better contract...more MONEY. It's a sad state of affairs when someone has to die, but it is a fact of life. All I can hope is that this will open the eyes of those considering using ephedra. The chances of any strict testing ever being implemented in the MLB are slim, at best. The players union is too strong, and the union does not want strict testing. So, the experimentation with man-made substances will most definitely continue (steroids included). To the MLB players...it's your choice fellas...I'm all for personal freedom...but be prepared...with your choices come consequences. If you're willing to lay your life on the line to drop 20 pounds...well...it's your life to give.

Freedom Fries
First of all, let me say this...the French government is likely the largest group of pussy...willows this side of Mr. Mota (that "moon walking" was ridiculous). I have a definite problem with anyone so blatantly shying away from their global responsibility. If I had any weapons of my own, I'd likely have a couple aimed in France's direction. If you're in cahoots with Osama or Saddam, then you should suffer the same consequence. That's just my opinion on the situation. That said, though, this freedom fries thing is absolutely stupid. If the restaurant industry of this country feels the need to speak out, by all means, do so...but not like this. If you really think that leaving the french out of fries has any impact on anything at all...you're obviously an ostrich with his head in the sand. There are bigger issues at hand here, and to focus your attention on something so minor is just stupid. Enough said about that...

March Madness
The actual brackets won't come out until tomorrow...but with baseball still a couple of weeks off, this is what every sports fan in America is concerned with right now. I must admit, I'm not really a huge fan of college basketball anymore...largely because I don't have any one team that I want to root for. I was born in Kentucky, and I've spent most of my life here. Now, it is a rarity in these parts to not root for one of two teams (UK or U of L), but I've always been a rare kind of guy. I despise UK, and hope that they lose every single game that they ever play. U of L is the lesser of two evils, but I can't say that I bleed cardinal red either. I'm a NBA kind of guy, but I will watch every single game in the "field of 64" that I can. In terms of raw excitement, few things compare to the NCAA Tournament. It is, probably, the one event in sports where the underdog has a great chance of success. This is why I watch. I like to see those "nobody" schools kick some major conference butt. For this reason, I'll be rooting for Western Kentucky next week. Go Hilltoppers! So, who do I think is going to take it all? Unfortunately, Kentucky looks to be the team to beat. The similarities between this team, and their last championship squad with Pitino are too numerous to discount. So, as much as it hurts, when I fill out my bracket, Kentucky will be sitting in winner's square. Damn Wildcats...

And one final subject...

Ken Griffey Jr.
Junior is my favorite baseball player, which is why I have always stood by him, through thick and thin. I've defended him countless times, regardless of the source of criticism. The kid has had a rough time in Cincinnati, but, hopefully, the tide has turned. He is absolutely killing the ball this spring. All signs point to a completely healthy Junior, and that is not something that I would have said if I didn't actually believe it. He is seeing the ball incredibly well, and he's crushing it. The most beautiful swing in baseball (IMO) seems to be "back in the house," so to speak. The Angels have their rally monkey, and Griffey has his own monkey. It's that infernal injury monkey that just won't get off his back. I sincerely pray that this will be the year he finally kicks the crap out of the freaking monkey, stomps on it until it ceases monkeying about, sets it lifeless carcass on fire, and pisses on its ashes. For those of you with Griffey on your fantasy roster, I think you will be pleasantly surprised with his success season. You do your thing, Griff. I'm harvesting the crows as we speak for all those critical fans and writers as we speak. All you need to do is feed it to them.

And with that, I'm off to rid the world of broccoli popsicles, once and for all. Pray for me...